Two Books That Changed My Life

A while ago I was having an issue with my boyfriend at the time and as a separate issue, with my co-worker.  My coworker was a bigger and more prevalent issue.  They were manipulative and there was a lot of drama at work, to the point where I had to take a sick day I was crying so hard and couldn't get my composure. 

This changed drastically when I read Boundaries in Marriage.  It talks about boundaries as perimeters.  A boundary doesn't say, you can't do that.  You have no control over that. Once you have figured out what you won't tolerate, a boundary says, if you do that, then I will do this.

I learned that it's important to speak up early, establish your boundary and stay firm.  It made things a bit better once I had a bit more control of the situation.

Recently I had to have a difficult discussion with a guy.  Getting my heart broken every month or so wasn't working for me.  We're best friends though, I didn't want to lose my heart and my best friend.  I was stuck as to what I should do.

I was reading Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man and it gave me some really good ideas.  Some of the key points are that guys will try to get away with whatever they can.  (Not true of all guys) To properly deal with this you have to set your demands.  Tell them you need them to do something and be willing to step away.  A man who loves you will man up, a man who doesn't won't.  If you do this, then you've either got a man who has stepped up, or you've saved yourself time and heart ache figuring out that this guy is no good.

The way he said it just hit home.  It helped me be more articulate in what I want. I told my guy friend that I think he's looking for a throwback and I'm a keeper. I told him that I'm looking for a keeper and I only hug and hold hands and cuddle with people I'm considering for marriage.  Therefore, he isn't allowed to touch me.  I told him that what I need out of a relationship to be happy are about four things.

First, I need to be number two in my man's life (God is number one).  Second, I need him to respect me.  Third, I need him to be as invested in the relationship as I am. Finally, I want to work together as a team.

Whether or not he steps up, I feel better.  I feel more feminine and powerful. I feel more confident.